me rehúso...

a vivir una vida donde escondo lo que más me gusta. una vida donde crear, amar, reír, cantar, escribir, dibujar no serán más solo palabras sino acciones, no serán solo recuerdos volando en mi mente sino vivos ejemplos de lo que pasa en mi alrededor, donde la nostalgia no me deprime pero me impulsa a querer seguir viviendo.

y donde la forma más fácil de expresar mi sentir sea a través del arte y toda manifestación posible de mi ser.

no quiero vivir mas debajo del miedo ni del temor a ser visto, de querer ir tras las reglas en un mundo donde nada es justo, donde revelarse es un acto de valentía y de honor antes que ocultarse bajo lo que dicen que esta bien.

nada me define más que yo, y soy cambio constante por que no soy solo una, no quiero una sola cosa, deseo vivir y realizar cada uno de mis sueños pese a que a veces mi único enemigo sean mis pensamientos, el monstruo interno que te hace sentir que no eres capaz de hacer ni lo mas mínimo, por suerte ya no va a haber espacio para que siga viviendo en mi cabeza, pues planeo llenarla de tantas cosas que tendrá que ir buscando renta…

admiro la persona que fui y la persona que soy, pero anhelo la persona que me convertiré y abrazo todas mis versiones, a mila feliz que escribía a los 12, mila que lloraba saliendo de clases, mila cuando vivía con mamá y papá, mila cuando se siente triste por que se siente sola, mila descubriendo el mundo, mila cuando va al súper, mila cuando crea, mila cuando ama, mila siendo amada, mila viviendo la vida que siempre soñó con amor de su lado.

ha sido un largo camino que todavía tiene muchos kilómetros sin recorrer, pero avanzo un centímetro a la vez, o a veces un milímetro, pero lo hago, y no me pienso detener.

se que lo lograré, aunque tal vez aún no se que será, pero conociendo a mila, conociéndome a mi, de seguro todo estará más que bien, aunque tal vez me cueste poquito.

así será.

unrequited love

i miss you

and what's even more crazy is that i cant even tell you.

i don't want you to feel bad because i miss you

or because i love you.

i don't want to bother you

thats the last thing id want to be in your life...

a burden.

but when i think of you i only want to scream

that i love you and that i miss you.

but then again

the thought of being a burden in your life

shuts up my excitement at the time.

do you love me? even as a friend?

i just keep listening to sad songs all the time 

and i don't see a happy ending between us.

maybe you'll have a happy ending

who wouldn't be happy with you?

you lighten up my days

even if we barely talk through the day.

i just wish every time you're okay

and happy and safe.

but being honest

sometimes i feel like you just don't think of me at all.

but i don't blame you

i barely think of me sometimes.

you're so busy with your life,

that i wish i could be where you are

so i could be a part of your life too.

but even if i've was a part of it

would it be any different?

i hope it could be different,

i wish it could be different.

i need it to be different 

or else

i wouldn't know what to do.

maybe i'll find a love that loves me too.

questions about love, about us

where am I going if I have nowhere to go?

what if all my paths have been impeded 

by someone I don't know.

Where does my happiness go 

when I wake up alone? 

Am I going to live until I experience love?

So many questions and no one will know,

when will my poor heart ever be loved?

I think and I keep thinking

about things nobody does

And I keep waiting for you to come

it's been days it's been months

but your presence feels so far

so gone.

Is it that I'll never be loved?

Is it a blessing or somehow a curse?

I wonder how many times I've been thinking about us.

Maybe if I count the stars I'll get a portion of your love.

You got me writing and losing my head 

over thoughts of endless and genuine words. 

Words that I hope your mouth will ever pronounce, 

at least once.

even if they're not real,

even if I can't hear them.

It's enough for me to just sit and watch you 

whispering these words to a hopeless person 

who will keep that precious moment in eternity.

words who will live forever in my mind 

and heart beating every second 

of the rest of my existence.

words that if I could take them to death, 

I would, without doubt, 

bury them with my dead body 

until the end of the world. 

-mila

time

life it’s an instant of a moment

that cannot be replaced nor changed by anything.

if it was destined to happen, 

it’ll happen no matter what 

no matter how much you try to avoid it. 

those who get to live 

are experiencing a moment 

that’ll never be the same 

a second, a minute, or an hour later. 

but instead of enjoying 

the moment we’re living right now 

we’re trying to remember 

those moments of happiness 

that’ll never be again in life

 

but in our minds, 

they’ll live forever. 

you might think that time passes very slow 

but when you stop thinking about it, 

it just starts running faster and faster 

until you can’t reach it anymore. 

until you feel tired and can’t run anymore, 

so then you start walking even more slowly than before. 

and then you stop

and time stops. 

who’d think the time was so fast, 

but at the same time so slow. 

now you’ve reached time, 

but at what cost?

maybe you won,

or maybe not. 

it depends on who’s saying it,

because you can’t do anything 

now that you’re gone. 

              –– mila

new year omg!!!

last year was full of some really crazy things and some other not so crazy but hard in some way

but it was really great tho, ive became someone that id never thougth ive ever been and that makes me so happy and proud of myself <3

i feel more confident and free of doing whatever i want and i dont really care anymore about what others might think of me so thats a great point to start

ive made a new friend and ive found a safe space to be who i am without feeling exhausted or tired or sad

im happier than ive ever been, and thats the most important thing <3

with luv, mila 

003

I'm so tired of being let down by everyone I know. But what makes me sad all the time, is realizing I've never been part of something as everyone else, because, everyone has their place, their friends, their lives. While I'm here, writing about me, craving all of that.

I've never felt part of something, and the times I thought I had that it was just bullshit, nothing was real. Why? why can't I have all that? What's wrong with me? that nobody ever worries and loves me the way I've always loved everyone. It's so sad to see the "friends" I had living and being so good without me being there when all I want is to be there. 

Why does anybody talks ever to me? when I've was always there for them when they needed it. 

I just want somebody that will be there for me no matter what, someone to talk to and laugh. Someone who cares for me. When will I have that? that's the only thing I'm asking for.

crappy day

This should be a day where I'm happy, not worrying about stupid things, but somehow I managed to feel like crap today. And not only today, most of my days I feel so bad and all I want is a hug and somebody to tell me everything is going to be okay. 

The last thing I need is people judging me because of what time do I wake up or not, just because all they can do is talk shit about everyone but themselves. I hate that. 

Seriously, I just want to disappear and not know about anyone but myself and my happiness.

ALSO I'm so pissed of with people and their opinions of whoever sexuality, I mean WHY? why do they feel with the right of talking about other people's feelings and identity. They better stop doing that and look in a mirror just to see how stupid they look talking about other people's lives.

PLEASE just SHUT UP, nobody wants to hear your negativity about everything. I just don't wake up every day with the need of judging someone that I don't even know JUST because of someone they love. Why can't you understand that?

If your opinion is something good and something that won't hurt anyone's feelings, well say it. But if all you want to do is talk shit about them, just shut up.

The things that you say not only will be hurtful to that person, but you could also even be hurting anyone else that's hearing you without you knowing.

Somebody could even consider death just of what you're saying and you don't even care.

Anyone cares about no one but themselves and whatever other people do just to hurt themselves because what you're just saying is meaningless to you.